Jeff Gordon & Me

I saved Jeff Gordon's life today. Pulled him from a burning fiery car crash and carried him to safety.



So he agreed to pose for a photo with me.



Then we got tanked out back in the parking lot.

Fun times at Daytona.

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Leave the Sox Alone!

Don’t you DARE call the Red Sox liars!

You stupid Orioles…

Ok, so the word on the street from some broadcaster, Gary Thorne, says he heard from Doug Mirabelli (the Red Sox catcher) that the blood on Curt Schilling’s sock in game 6 of the ALCS in 2004 was fake.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

What kind of a-hole would EVEN tell a lie like that?!? In the brilliant words of Matt Watson of AOL Sports, “Gary Thorne [is] a big fat lying liar.”

Being the well-rounded sports fan & insider that I am, I would like to first voice my opinion of Mr. Gary Thorne.

Anyone who would try and cheapen an amazing feat like that of Curt Schilling, and attempt to rob the Red Sox of their World Series glory, should be banished from the world of sports. What did he think he was going to gain from this?

I have solid proof, straight from the National Baseball Hall of Fame & Museum in Cooperstown, NY that this whole horrible story is a big fat lie.

Here is the photo of the sock when it was admitted to the Museum in 2004 after the playoffs.



And here is a photo taken today, in the Museum, with a bit of subliminal message for the press from a Hall of Fame insider, and very good friend of mine.

So there you have it, members of the press.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE BASEBALL CHEAP AND MEDIA-HUNGRY LIKE THE NBA.

If you want a story, go find stupid Barry Bonds and test him for steroids.

Or go throw a hot dog at one of the Detroit Pistons or something...



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Thith Ith NPR Newth

I will admit, I am a big fan of NPR. I really like listening to the news on that station, because the broadcasters don’t sound so god-awful PRETENTIOUS and DRAMATIC like the TV news people do.

I also really like to listen to the fun radio shows on the weekends.

However, lately, I have been getting really irritated with the local Orlando area NPR broadcasters. Some of them are great. Some of them definitely ARE NOT.

I have never in my life heard a radio station with so many personnel with speech impediments.

I am not even kidding you. At least two of the women and one of the men have extremely peculiar speech anomalies that just really get under my skin.

One of the ladies voices is so nasally she sounds like a cartoon character. A very specific cartoon character, in fact. She sounds like Asian Reporter Tricia Takanawa from Family Guy. Sortof hilarious, but not when you’re trying to listen to a story about the death toll in Iraq.

Another lady, God bless her, kindof clicks when she talks. I guess it’s not really a “clicking” thing as much as it is just a gross mispronunciation of words. As she’s speaking, she replaces several consonant sounds in her vocabulary with a hard-C sound.

For example: “Don’k miss the final performenks of Celtic Woman at the Orlando Convenkshun Center. Tickecks still available by calling aick-sicks-sicks, sevenkdy four hundred.”

Then there’s the guy with the obstructed nasal passages. His nose POPS when he talks, and it is just really infuriating.

It just astounds me how these people have gotten jobs as radio broadcasters. NPR must be really hard up in the Orlando area. (not really surprising, considering probably half the population doesn’t speak English)

I mean, you’ve heard the saying that someone might have a “face for radio.”

Well, these people truly have a “voice for silent films.”


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Dr. Moneygrub D.D.S.

I’m getting more dental work today! Weeee!!!!!

In approximately 15 minutes, I am leaving work to go to the dentist to get FOUR (count ‘em) FOUR fillings.

I don’t even have cavities. They just say my teeth are “too deep,” so I should get them filled. That sounds like a line of B.S. I think they just want to laugh when I have another panic attack again when I see that needle.

Sounds more like, “Dr. B wants to take his wife on a cruise, so let us do some work to you.”

I told someone at work that I was getting this dental work done today, and he said, “Woo, did you win the lottery?”

Do you really think this is what I would do if I won the lottery? Get dental work?


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Lazy Sunday

Tonight, I watched Ferris Beuller's Day off. Twice.

YES .

Seriously, the best movie ever.

Please, can Cameron Frye please become a real life person so I can marry him and have ten thousand of his babies?

I think that's why I love Robbie so much, because he's the closest human being to Cameron Frye that I have found in my many years of searching.

Wears a hockey jersey, tall & attractively nerdy, totally cute and funny... PLUS, without all the deep-seated paternal hatred and dysfunction!

I am the luckiest girl alive.

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Lunch Routine

My lunch hour for the past week has consisted of going back to my apartment, eating PB&J and watching Family Feud.

Can someone please give me a reason to do something ELSE for lunch?

I feel like a huge loser.

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Monday Off!

Yay! Another three day weekend! Wee!

My dad is in town visiting this week, and today I am taking a day off work to show him around beautiful Daytona Beach. I wanted to go to the beach with him sometime this weekend. Alas, the temperature dropped 20 degrees and the wind was blowing at hurricane-force speeds, and it poured down rain for the first time in 6 months.

Thanks alot, Florida.

So, even though the weather is beautiful today through the WINDOW, it will be close to impossible to enjoy time at the beach. Unless your idea of a good time is getting grains of sand lodged into your eyeball every two seconds, wearing a parka because of the wind chill on the shore and not even getting close to the water. Seriously, I can hear the wind blowing outside.

Although, I did get to borrow RZ's new car today, so I am excited about driving all over the tourist-y sites today.

I hope I can entertain Dad successfully. Daytona Beach isn't exactly the most exciting place, unless you're a 20-something college student in heat during Spring Break.

or a 40-something motorcyclist in heat during Bike Week.

or a 30-something race fan in heat during Speedweeks.

All of which my dad is not. Thank GOD.


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Easter Joy

Here are some pictures from Easter Sunday.

Robbie made me get up at FIVE A.M. to go to a "Sunrise Service" for Easter Sunday. It was a good Easter service, but there wasn't much "sunrise" to it. It was dark the whole time because it was SO DAMNED EARLY. But it was a nice service.

Here we are before church, can you tell I just got up 5 minutes ago?

See? Still dark out... but Robbie's rearin' to go.

Then we came home and slept till noon. YES! The rest of the day, we bummed out hard core. It was the best Easter of all time. We were in our pajamas pretty much the entire day, except for church. We just laid around and watched TV and ate candy. We also watched Columbo.

There was also a marvelous Easter Feast.

Here's pictures of the ham. My first ham EVER! I am totally proud of myself. I am like Suzie Home Maker. An entire Easter dinner, myself. Robbie helped alot, but I was the main meal man.

Oh dude it was good.

It's not good anymore though, because I've had it the last 5 meals in a row and it's getting pretty old.

Here I am performing the Carving of the Ham. I learned alot from my dad. Except the part about getting every stinking shred of meat removed from the bone. Because I don't have the patience for that.

Easter is a great holiday. Any holiday that involves candy is fine by me.

My Lunch Hour

Every trip to the gyno deserves a Happy Meal.



With a flippin NINJA TURTLE toy?


I'm lovin' it.

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"Mah Toof Hurfs"

I got a wisdom tooth pulled on Thursday… Yeah it was bad.

I was having a little pain in my gums, that’s it. I just went into the dentist so they could LOOK at it and maybe clean it out or something… Boy was I in for a surprise.

The dentist looked at it for about 2 seconds and then the doctors & nurses were like, “oh yeah that hurts doesn’t it you’ve got a big one coming in well we’d better just yank it now alright Dr. so-and-so do you have time to pull this tooth real quick yeah let me numb it up for you first yea it’ll be quick I know you gotta get out of here too yeah no problem ok you’ll be fine here we go”

I was like, “WAIT ONE F*CKING SECOND!!!!!!!”

Then I kindof freaked out a little and got all panicky…
You’ve gotta remember, this is the first time I’ve had ANYTHING done to my teeth. No fillings, no extractions, no nothing…
(Plus, the last time there was a conversation about getting my wisdom teeth out, I was going to have to magically find $400 somehow to get it done)

So I was REALLY freaked out.

Gosh. I keep thinking about how freaked out I was. I think at one point I even put my hand on the anesthetic syringe and actually pushed it away from my mouth. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my life.

Man… that dentist’s frickin needle was frickin HUGE.
And all metal.

It looked like it was taken from the set of “SAW II” or something…

But the dentist who actually did the extraction was way better than the first guy. He was like, “Sweetie you’re gonna NEED to calm down ok? Take yourself to the beach or something, we’ll be done before you know it.”

Then he started walking me through what he was doing, and I kindof just thought to myself, “This guy does this crap all day long, and he knows what he’s doing. So just relax.”

Then halfway through, he was like, “Well honey I don’t know where you went but you’re WAY more relaxed. Thank you, it’s a lot easier to work with people who are calmed down.”

Wow, such great news, thanks.

All is all it was relatively painless. It was quick, and it was WEIRD as hell, but it’s done, and I guess I am glad. At one point I think I was laughing because it felt so weird. Then I snorted, and the dentist and the hygienist had a good laugh at me for making “piggy noises.”

After the tooth was out, the dentist said, “This tooth his HUGE! Man, no wonder it hurt. You got your daddy’s teeth and your momma’s jaw.”

They let me look at the tooth too. And I saw it and went, “SICK!” they got a little chuckle out of that.

I wish I could’ve kept it. I would’ve taken a picture of it and posted it with this blog. Instead, I will post this photo of what I may or may not have looked like post-extraction.

Ruffing it

RZ and I went camping this weekend for the first time in a LONG time. It was SOOOO fun!

Everyone from work came for the afternoon and we ate great food, and played horseshoes and CORNHOLE! That’s right. Cornhole.

Robbie and I had a good time with the campfire, and s’mores, and other random cooking. I burnt the hell out of a hot dog, and made a grilled cheese sandwich in a griddle press. It was SO good.

So Florida “camping” wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We didn’t get eaten by any alligators, or rattlesnakes or bears or wild boars. The worst problem was the hillbillies in the tent next door with a TELEVISION blaring all night long with no one in the tent.

That was easily solved though, when I got up, walked over there, and yanked their power cord out of the socket. That felt good. Stupid rednecks.

Who goes TENT camping with a TV? And who ABANDONS the campsite with the TV blaring? I kindof wanted to cut the cord with hedge clippers and tie it around a tree… but alas, we forgot the hedge clippers.

All in all it was a great time, and I hope we go again soon. It’ll have to be REAL soon though, because there’s no way I’m going camping in the middle of the summer in FL.